Lately I’ve been feeling burdened by a lot of things (homework, contemplating my future, etc.) but I’ve also been struggling with accepting how God created me as a person. A lot of negative thoughts go through my head, thoughts about how stupid I am, about how much I fail at life, about how I don’t deserve anything worthwhile, and I often wonder why God chose me. Why me? There are plenty of other more capable people besides me who can do a better job. Why was I chosen…when my sister wasn’t?
I think on the outside I seem perfectly fine and optimistic, but these thoughts were really eating away at me. I know God made me who I am for a reason, that I am both fearfully and wonderfully made, but I still had a hard time accepting that.
But then, this song keeps popping up in my head at random times. I remember singing it most clearly a while ago at Intervarsity (maybe a year ago? Sonya was singing it) and I was really moved by it. Recently, I bought a Hillsong CD and was listening through it yesterday, but it wasn’t until today that I realized how much I liked this song, and how much I can relate to it.
After I did my QT I sang this song to God. I was trying to place a word for the feeling I felt afterwards, and then realized I was content. I was okay with who God made me: imperfect. God will shine through those cracks and His power will be made perfect in our weaknesses.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Jesus is the only one for me. My faith, my strength, my trust, my identity is found in Him.
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more
3 Comments
Kelly!!!!
Oh, Kelly. You are so so beautiful. And I know that only God can convince you of that. It’s so easy–too easy, often–to put ourselves down. And sometimes, I think that the reason is (ironically) is that it’s easier (at least for me personally) for me to say that I suck and be content to live in complacency of my suckiness. I don’t want to fess up and try to live like Christ lived (maybe this isn’t how you’re feeling >.< if so, sorry…lol)
but! yes. we are weak. God didn't make us perfect. if we were perfect, would we need Him? would we desire to glorify Him? probably not (because we'd be floating away with our puffed up heads of pride…). plus, God uses the weak to shame the strong
don't think you're incapable of anything. because yes, God chose you, Kelly Kin, with perfect reason. and with Him behind you and within you, you can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
here's a quote that my friend posted that i was reminded of when you said that God will shine through our cracks
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
— Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
amen!
ps. i love that song
<3
Hi Kelly
I definitely know how you feel about failing at life. For me, I’ve felt like I’ve had to live up to the standards of my brother academically and what not, him going to UT and doing well and now has a good job, etc. In high school I felt that grades, GPA, and SAT scores largely determined how smart and successful you were at life. I let all these numbers dictate my worth and it crushed me because I failed many, many times…remember in my sophomore year (you were a senior) and I was really down because I made my first C ever? At that point, I was completely devastated at my failure in school.
But thankfully, numbers, skills, and abilities don’t determine our worth. Let God show you how much you’re worth to Him
And yes, I agree with Anna. We are weak, cracked and broken. We constantly fall, we constantly fail.
But through it all, our brokenness allows for God to be our glory, instead of ourselves
“But you, O LORD, are my shield about me, MY GLORY, and the lifter of my head” – Psalms 3:3 ESV
Thanks guys, your words were VERY encouraging! (i cried, lol)